The Sam Fox Enigma

Hi there !

Yeah, I know, one article every two or three weeks, that's not pretty  :p

Beside being the only permanent thing in our lives, change is currently in process for me. That's a painful work, like becoming the mom of a new yourself  ;) Things are not perfect. I'm still me Carrie, thinking too much maybe (or maybe is it what is going to save me ?) and stressing much for sure.

I try to maintain a balance and to be nice with my body by using oligotherapy, homeopathy, eating healthy food and practicing yoga and meditation (what a n00b I am for now !! *tears* :) ).

So here I was today, standing in my kitchen with my MP3 plugged into my ears, washing dishes and singing aloud songs that I used to listen to in Oregon.

Here I was, thinking about my life. Thinking of the travel that you've all been witnesses of. And suddenly thinking about a single event, meaningless at the time and so vivid in my memories right now.

Sam Fox.

The day everything changed, the day I left the quad to live with Sylvie and Matt and start a change still in process, I went to a place on campus I'd never been to and to which I never came back. The Outdoor Program of UVO. Everything's fuzzy, at least at the beginning of the event. I didn't find my way, so someone helped me. I don't even remember if that was already him, or if it was somebody else. Anyway. I was completely closed on myself, I was not paying attention to people, I was desperate to find my "way", as I was kind of lost. I was checking on the next outdoor activities planned for the term. I was talking to the girl in charge there. And somebody behind me talked to me. He was alone, and told me something like... something like hey, if you feel like visiting Eugene and around, I'd be glad to help, and he wrote that paper, above.

It was strange, because he looked like... I mean the energy around him was like... you know I'm rather "distrustul" (remember the Joshua & gang epidod ? :p)... But he was only... benevolence. It was just a guy there proposing a hand. I took the paper and he smiled, said goodbye and left.

After that, I completely forgot about him, I mean even right after I wasn't even thinking of him, like my eyes had seen him but like my mind was not paying attention at all. I switched from old to new life, and all recent events had almost disappeared from my immediate memory.

And one day, I dunno, like 2 or 3 weeks after, I was at the supermarket and halfway between that day and my coming back to France. For some reason, I was tensed, a bit depressed, and in doubt about everything that had happened to me. I was sitting in Market of Choice on Franklin Blvd in Eugene, at a table after the cashiers, waiting for Sylvie. I was looking at the ground, at my feet, at the ground... And suddenly I heard "Hi".

I looked up and here was Sam Fox. He had approached me, he was standing up next to me, with a bag of food in the hand, looking down at me, smiling. I didn't recognize him first. I had forgotten about him. I had actually never memorized his face (can't remember it even now). Suddenly I recognized the energy around him, this benevolent something. He asked how I was doing. Just like that. I answered, said I was sorry I had not called, had no time to do so really. He ignored the apology and said something like glad you're doing ok, good luck. And that was the last time I saw him.

Some weeks ago while unpacking I was looking for some administrative papers. I didn't find them, but his piece of paper ended up in my hand. I remember how he had appeared at two difficult moments. The moment before deciding to change, and the moment doubting about deciding to change. Somehow, I couldn't throw it away. I even think about keeping it.

So here we are, I see you guyz smiling with goofy faces :)) :p Well, of course I wondered many times what would have happened if I had just called once and had a walk with him. But I didn't, and the answer to the question cannot be guessed. Because even if I had made that choice, that choice would have been followed by many other choices, and even parameters determining possibilities of action, and impossibilities of action.

But this event is important for me for a different reason. It tells you one thing : you can completely change your life from one moment to another. Just like that.

You just have to choose. Of course maintaining your choice and handling the consequences is a big part of the job.

But all you have to do, is to choose.

As Matt wisely remarked, the message is not always obvious. Maybe the Sam Fox episod was not a message saying "fancy a change ?"  lol :D Maybe it was part of the numerous messages I received telling me, for example, that things can change, and change is the only permanent thing.

Pay attention to every single moment of your life. Listen to life, listen to your mind, heart and body, because they are full of clues, subtle variations and vibrations opening and closing doors here and there. You can go right ahead not looking. Or you can open your eyes and look, "feel" around. Take care though, that can make you dizzy :p

I'm sorry I don't write more. I'll try to write again before next Sunday :)

I have so much to tell you.